Part 5

The day Trinidad was born. After all the gang activity, all the drugs, all the beatings and suicide attempts I was going to be a father. It was was amazing. I made a promise to myself that if I ever had kids they would have so much more than I did. On Paper that sounded great but we were young parents who did not have the skill to be parents nor were we ready. I strongly recommend to anyone having kids. Make sure you are ready.

The day we brought Trinidad home was amazing. I mean I got so high, so drunk, I passed out in front of the house!! I was into Acid during this time. Acid by far was the drug I took when I wanted to think. Others I knew laughed or whatever but not me. I sat and thought about everything. Every question I ever had I answered while on acid. The question I could not answer was " How am I going to take care of my girl and kid with no job " I lived with my girl and and her mother. My fear was that her mother would die and I would be left to try and take care of both of them alone. You know, BE A MAN. I could not give up the gang. I could not give up drugs or smoking. My girl didn't take being a parent so serious as well. I remember one night we had Montana cocaine. What I mean by that is, if you saw the movie Scarface. There is a scene before he dies where he is in his office.

In front of him is a mountain of cocaine. Well, we had that same mountain on our table. We called it Montana. That saying wasn't used in the street. Just something I said while being creative and it stuck. We spent 3 days doing cocaine and smoking weed to bring us down. Weed does not work very well when you are on that much cocaine. You might wonder how we had that much cocaine? Let's just say we knew people. Drugs were free for us. The only thing we paid for was weed but even that had great pricing. For those who don't know what a 8th is, well we would get all that weed for about 10 bucks. I remember going to my supplier at the time getting this weed and he pulled out a full garbage can of weed that was in his closet. Man those were the days.

During the 3rd day of our usage. I attempted suicide again. For some reason I saw the image of my father on a candle. Weird thing is, years later my sister told me that she saw the same thing. You know those candles that have Jesus on them. Well we both saw the same thing. I reached out for my gun. I placed it to my head and was ready to fire. My girl was crying and begging me to stop. I prayed and prayed to GOD. Something I haven't done since the passing of my father. I almost did it if it wasn't for her next move. You know what she did? She put her finger inside the barrel of the gun. I couldn't help but laugh. She threw the gun away. I don't know what she did with it but this woman saved my life more than once. The day I quit drugs was because of her. I remember it clearly. We were in my impala. She told me " I love you but the drugs have to go " She told me that it was her or the drugs. Drugs never showed me love so I quit right then and there and haven't touched it since. Weird thing that happened next.

I was bored because life was changing for me. For the good I guess but I was still bored. I remember getting the knock at the door. It was a Jehovah's Witness knocking at my door. I was raised a catholic. My wife spoke to this woman. Her name was Becky. Becky started to study the bible with my wife. I noticed the change in her. She changed the way she looked. Less makeup. She changed the way she dressed. She changed the way she spoke. Did not use any bad words. She changed. While I continue on whatever path I was on, I wasn't interested. I'm catholic and that's it but I did not close the door to anything. I began a study. The questions I asked Becky were

1. Why are were here
2. Why do we die
3. If God is alive, why is the world the way it is
4. How is it that a Book can contain the word of God
5. How can you prove it's from God

These questions and more I asked and she answered right from the bible. Nothing she said was her words and I respected that. I learned that there are two kinds of people. One that say they worship God with their lips and one that worships God by their actions. During study I noticed that changes were going on in my life. Drugs were gone. I drank still but did not get drunk. Every now and then I did slip. I quit smoking. I did not use foul language. I gave up everything so I can worship God. I found peace. That's not to say that this kind of worship did not come with a price. I was laughed at because I turned in my gang colors for a suit and tie. I shaved, It was amazing but I said it came with a price. In a gang, you cannot leave. There are two ways out. You die or you get jumped out. I didn't die and I didn't get jumped out. I used reason.

The same people who I shared cocaine with now are talking behind my back. All of them. I did try and share what I learned but nobody wanted me around. I was sad but determined to continue on this path. My brother was against what I learned. My mother didn't care and was glad I changed my life. I was happy. Sometimes I get asked what's it like being a Witness? It's great. I'm at peace. Everyone is united in thought and in mind. I remember giving my first talk where I addressed more than 100 people. Maybe I'll post some of my talks at a later date. Anyway, there is much that I left out about my life but this is me in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed.