Sad

I kept thinking about today and what would come of it. I kept thinking about where I could put my thoughts down. I remembered my blog. The doctors wanted to talk to us in a room about my Grandmothers condition.

They said that by Saturday she could come home but that her issues aren't over. The can help her with the pain but cannot help what's going to happen. Her heart is failing. Her kidneys are failing. They said her kidneys were at 10 percent. They pretty much said that she can die at any moment meaning her heart can give out

My wife couldn't stop crying. I kept it in but while in the car alone on the way to work, I start crying. On the way home, I cry and in front of my boss I started crying. It's hard because Grandma has done so much for me so much for my family.

I had nothing and was a no good jerk back in the day and she accepted me and showed me love. She would purchase clothes and gave me food to eat. She bailed me out of jail before. I knew this day would come but I was hoping that it wouldn't come. I wanted to be blinded by the fact that people do die.

I gave her a big hug and held her in my arms. She told me to take care of the family. Then my wife told her our secret which was my wife is pregnant. We haven't told anyone but then Grandma said, I will live for you.

I broke down and had to walk out because the one thing I knew that you could not beat was this system of things. We don't have the power. She said I will live. I said to myself, yes you will in my heart.

I have to stop now, I'm starting to cry again.

Sad

Well our Grandmother looks like she is going to pass away. I sure hope that she pulls through. She was rushed to the hospital several days ago. It turned out her heart was working extra hard as they called it and her kidneys are giving her trouble.

The Doctor had told my wife that it looks like her Health is in decline. She is about 94 years young. I called her today and I couldn't hold back the tears. I thanked her for all that she has done for me and I told her that I loved her very much.

Its easy to say that a person her age lived a long life but in her own words, she said she was scared and to prepare the funeral. Its not long when you are at her age with the thought that any moment could be your last.

Its not long when we were created to live. Its not long when there are so many things in life that could be done or learned. Don't give me its a long life because its not. Its short because in truth time goes by so fast.

Kids turn into adults. Our babies turn into Teenagers. Time goes by so fast. I hate the fact that people have to die. Even though a person knows the truth it doesn't mean it hurts any less. We hurt because we love the person we lost.

Grandma has done so much for me I can never repay her with words or money or anything but I do want her to know how much I love her. I hate what Adam and Eve have done.

Happy Monday

With School just about over for Jesse and Gabriel, we look to next year. What will they do. As for Gabriel there isn't much to do but get to 2nd grade. What's amazing about Gabriel is that he already knows how to multiply which is great.

He was tested and they found that Gabriel was above average and was at a 3rd grade level and he's only in 1st grade. I'm very proud of him.

Jesse is about to close a chapter in his life and begin a new one. We are looking into what college he will go to. We won't send him away so it's going to be somewhere local and it won't get in the way of his spiritual activities.

Education is important and he must be able to take care of himself and his future family. Of course I don't mind helping but part of being a man is being able to take care of you and yours. I told him the moment he gets a job is the very moment he is going to pay bills.

Nothing in this world is Free. He smiled and said " Dad your going to make me pay rent? " Since you have a job now, I shouldn't have to ask you to pay anything. It should be clear that you will be helping out.

In Truth - the money that he would give, at least half of it would be put away for that rainy day so to speak. It's better to be prepared than not and he's pretty responsible for his age.

He has never done any drugs. He watches his language. He is respectful to all. He's a good kid. I can't complain. Anyway, till next time.

Human

I mentioned before that when I bleed it's red. Its no different than any other human on this planet. Why then is there so much hate. We are apart of the human race. It shouldn't matter when it comes to the color of your skin.

I'm Puerto Rican but I was born in San Francisco. To speak to me you wouldn't know it because I sound more White than I do Puerto Rican. Does that matter? Funny thing is during my cousin funeral I was asked how come I don't speak Spanish.

I wish there were no borders to keep anyone out of any country. People should be free but sadly in this system that won't happen. There is to much that divide those in the world.

In our religion. Everyone is united. We have all kinds of races in our religion. We all share a common love for Jehovah and that unites us as a spiritual family. It doesn't even matter if we don't speak the same language. We have love for each other.

Brothers and sisters from the United States can go anywhere in the world and have love for other brothers and sisters. We are united. Why can't this world look pass the color of someone's skin and just try and love.

I understand that there are laws. I understand that Illegals come to the United States and I understand that they come here because they want a better life. In the Beginning I mentioned that I was Puerto Rican. In Truth I'm not. I'm a Jehovah's Witness and that comes before anything. Don't be to proud of where you are from because it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if you are Mexican, Puerto Rican, Asian, Cuban, it doesn't matter. Put all of that to the side because Jehovah isn't going to say, Well he's Mexican he's coming into the new system or He's Puerto Rican, he's coming into the new system. Jehovah does not look at things that way. We shouldn't as well. Don't have to much pride of where you are from. Look forward to where you want to go.

I hope that make sense.

Monday

This weekend I ended up at a funeral. My cousin had passed away from drinking Alcohol. Although I wasn't very close to this cousin the pain I felt because of her death was shown by my tears.

I watched as other gave speeches about her life and how they cried and at the same time laughed because of the way she made others laugh. I was touched by their stories. At one point they showed a slideshow and played music. Many broke down and had to walk out.

I was fighting the tears and kept my head down. It was very painful. To see that much emotion, my heart was in pain. I often wondered what I missed in terms of seeing my family. I realized that I did indeed miss my family very much. They are as much apart of me as I am of them.

My cousin Luis came up to me and asked if I was going to our other cousins house afterward. I wasn't going to go but I'm so glad he convinced me. I spoke with many Uncles whom I haven't seen in years.

These are my fathers brothers. A direct connection to my dad. I wanted to just jump in their arms. I felt as if I was a kid again and they were there to protect me. I have one uncle that looks exactly like my Dad. When we hugged, I didn't let go. I know he knows why so he held on as well.

He knows how much pain I was in when my father passed away. He was there and recalled all that I did that day. I mean, when was the last time you seen somebody pull someone out the coffin just to hold them.

My uncle and I talked and it was great. I spoke to many of my cousins and other uncles and aunts. I even met my Father's Aunt for the first time. When they found out that I was his child, they hugged me. They heard the stories and I guess the feeling of time that was wasted was made up that very day.

My Uncle told me about my two other sisters whom I never really met. The last time I saw them was when my father died. I saw a picture of her daughter. I almost cried. Then to introduce them to Jesse was great.

I hope that if I do pass from this world that my wife and all my kids will always know that I love them very much. I'm a proud father.

Another interesting thing that came up was the fact that they knew I was a preacher. LOL

Although they didn't ask questions, which was fine because there is a time and place for everything, the fact that they knew made me feel a bit better. I was ready to answer any questions they might have had but that day was about lupe my cousin who had passed away.

anyway, thought I would share.