Keep Your Children Safe

FEW of us want to dwell on the subject of sexual abuse of children. Parents shudder at the very thought of it! Such abuse, however, is a frightening and unpleasant reality in today’s world, and its effects on children can be devastating. Is the matter worth considering? Well, what would you be willing to give for the sake of your child’s safety? Learning about the unpleasant realities of abuse is surely a small price to pay. Such knowledge can really make a difference.

Do not let the plague of abuse rob you of your courage. At the very least, you have power that your child does not have—strengths that it will take years, even decades, for your child to gain. The passing years have brought you a fund of knowledge, experience, and wisdom. The key is to enhance those strengths and put them to use in protecting your child.

Today we will discuss three basic steps that every parent can take. They are as follows: (1) Become your child’s first line of defense against abuse, (2) give your child some needed background education, and (3) equip your child with some basic protective tools.

The primary responsibility for protecting children against abuse belongs to parents, not to children. So educating parents comes before educating children. If you are a parent, there are a few things you need to know about child abuse. You need to know who abuse children and how they go about it. Parents often think of molesters as strangers who lurk in the shadows, seeking ways to kidnap and rape children. Such monsters certainly do exist. The media brings them to our attention very often. However, they are relatively rare. In about 90 percent of the cases of sexual abuse of a child, the perpetrator is someone the child already knows and trusts.

Naturally, you do not want to believe that an affable neighbor, teacher, health-care worker, coach, or relative could lust after your child. In truth, most people are not like that. There is no need to become suspicious of everybody around you. Still, you can protect your child by learning how the typical abuser operates.

Knowing such tactics can make you, the parent, better prepared to act as the first line of defense. For instance, if someone who appears more interested in children than in adults singles out your child for special attention and gifts or offers free babysitting or private excursions with your child, what will you do? Decide that the person must be a molester? No. Do not be quick to jump to conclusions. Such behavior may be quite innocent. Nonetheless, it can put you on the alert.

Remember, any offer that sounds too good to be true may be just that. Carefully screen anyone who volunteers to spend time alone with your child. Let such an individual know that you are likely to check on your child at any time.

Be actively involved in your child’s activities, friendships, and schoolwork. Learn all the details about any planned excursion. Another way to act as your child’s first line of defense is to be a good listener. Children will rarely disclose abuse directly; they are too ashamed and worried about the reaction. So listen carefully, even for subtle clues. If your child says something that concerns you, calmly use questions to draw him out.

If he says that he does not want a certain babysitter to come back, ask why. If he says that an adult plays funny games with him, ask him: “What kind of game? What does he do?” If he complains that someone tickled him, ask him, “Where did he tickle you?” Do not be quick to dismiss a child’s answers. Abusers tell a child that no one will believe him; all too often, that is true. And if a child has been abused, being believed and supported by a parent is a big step toward recovery.

I recall watching a problem in which a Child molester said "Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you’ve given me my next victim.” Those chilling words are a useful reminder to parents. Children who are ignorant about sex are much easier for molesters to fool. Is that not what you want for your child? Then, as your second basic step in protecting him, do not hold back from teaching him about this important subject.

The third step is to give your child some simple actions to take in case someone tries to take advantage of him when you are not there. One method that is often recommended is like a game. Parents ask “What if . . . ?” and the child answers. You might say, “What if we were at the store together and we got separated? How would you find me?” The child’s answer may not be exactly what you would hope for, but you can guide him along with further questions, such as “Can you think of anything you could do that would be safer?”

You can use similar questions to ask a child what the safest response would be if someone tried to touch him in a wrong way. If the child is easily alarmed by such questions, you might try telling a story about another child. For example: “A little girl is with a relative she likes, but then he tries to touch her where he shouldn’t. What do you think she should do to stay safe?”

What should you teach your child to do in situations like the one above? Well - “A firm ‘No!’ or ‘Don’t do that!’ or ‘Leave me alone!’ does wonders to frighten the seductive offender into retreat and into rethinking his or her choice of victim.” Help your child act out brief scenarios so that he feels confident to refuse loudly, get away quickly, and report to you whatever has happened. A child who seems to understand the training thoroughly may easily forget it within a few weeks or months. So repeat this training regularly.

All the child’s direct caregivers, including the males—whether father, stepfather, or other male relatives—should be part of these discussions. Why? Because all involved in such teaching are, in effect, promising the child that they will never commit such acts of abuse. Sadly, much sexual abuse occurs right within the confines of the family. In my family, most of us were abused children in one way or another. It came from a stepfather, uncle, cousin, etc....

You might wonder why I bring up such a subject. You might wonder if it happened in my family. It did when I was younger. As mentioned many blogs ago. Recall my sister and my stepfather. Recall my Stepfather and brother. Recall my cousin and my uncle. I know several more but you get the picture. Both my cousin Lisa and I share the same view when it comes to child molesters. They belong in Jail and the key needs to be thrown away.

I bring this up now because of an article I read about a man who molested children and he was a Witness. He was featured on America's Most Wanted. I felt ashamed. Not because of the religion but because of what this guy did and how he used the religion to do it. Of course because of his actions many will blame the religion. Can you blame an entire religion?

There was a husband and wife who went out to dinner. After dinner they went back to to their car to go home. A Latino comes up to rob them. He has a gun. There is a struggle and the gun that the Latino was holding goes off. It hits the husband. He dies. The Latino gets away. Now the wife who is alive hates all Latino's. Does that make sense? Should she hate all Latino's for one Latino's action? Of course not. Not all are the same. So it's the same with any religion. You will have your bad apples in any religion.

So keep the Kids Safe and have a great weekend.